True North: A family magazine for Bend and Central Oregon.

Bring PLAY Home
by Anna Higgins

As parents of young children, we juggle everything from clocking in to cooking dinner, from being on time to bath time. As hard as we try to be present and playful with our children, as working parents, we often drag the stress of our jobs home with us; our hurried lives often distract us from potential playtime that exists between work's end and day's end.

What if instead of work, you brought PLAY home to your family?

While this concept may seem foreign and even a bit silly to some, the benefits of making time and space for play with our children extend much further than we may anticipate. Taking the time to meet our children at their level and on their turf lays the foundation for a meaningful, life-long relationship based on mutual respect and love. In short, families that play together, stay together!

For children, play is the way. According to Lawrence J. Cohen, author of Playful Parenting, play is not simply a pastime or leisure activity, but their "main way of communicating, of experimenting, and of learning." When we as parents are able to let go of our own agenda and follow the lead of our children, we benefit, they benefit and (arguably) most importantly, our relationship with them benefits. Cohen (2001) believes "play can be the long-sought bridge back to that deep emotional bond between parent and child." He says that play fosters the 3 C's — closeness, confidence and connection.

Amy Howell, mother of two and Director of Early Childhood Education at Central Oregon Community College has found, "that having 30-60 minutes of play in the evenings is a way for [her and her family] to connect, and [her and her husband] to tune into what's going on in their children's lives, both personally and developmentally." Dedicating time to be playful with our children allows us to get a real-time pulse on our children's lives, interests, and development. Playing with our children helps us to understand in a very real way exactly who they are. And play is more than just fun and games; "Play is where children show us the inner feelings and experiences that they can't or won't talk about. We need to hear what they have to say, and they need to share it" (Cohen, 2001). As we make the conscious effort to dedicate time and space for play in our children's lives we are, "offering our children opportunities to explore this new and exciting world in their own time and at their own pace. We [are] opening them up to powerful learning experiences they could not encounter in any other way" (David Elkind, The Power of Play: How spontaneous, imaginative activities lead to happier, healthier children, 2007).

A passage from the book The Parent's Tao Teaching: A New Interpretation by William Martin (1999) shines light on the importance of play for children and the role that we as parents play in nurturing their growth and development:

Fan the Spark

Your children plan their own education,
like it or not.
You must learn to cooperate with their plan.
If they are drawing,
they become artists.
If they are reading,
they become students.
If they are investigating,
they become scientists.
If they are helping prepare a meal,
they become chefs.
Whatever they are doing,
they are learning.
And it is, for them,
pure joy.

You may be saying to yourself, "Yeah, sounds great on paper, but how can I possibly find time to play between dinner time and bath time, between waking up and loading up?" As busy parents, many of us have grown-up and grown away from play. Bobbi Conner, author of Unplugged Play and a single parent of two experienced the all too familiar after-work frenzy that plagues many families. She solved her hectic after work/after school routine with a simple solution. The minute they walk in the front door they dedicate 15 minutes to being together. Before reading the mail, or feeding the dog or figuring out what to eat for dinner they "grab three apples from the fruit bowl and a small plate of sliced cheese, snuggle up on the couch, and eat while they read" (Conner, 2007). With too much to do and too little time to do it in, Conner, "encourages us to stop, take a breath, and make whatever changes are necessary to diminish that anxious feeling that comes when time closes in on you" (2007).

The old practice makes perfect adage can apply to those of us who really do feel rusty when it comes to open-ended, creative play. And just think — you've got built in play tutors in your children. Without a doubt, they know how to play. As the grown-up, your job is to create the time and space and simply follow their lead. Jack Nicklaw, local father of two, enjoys what he and his children have named "floor time with daddy." This is a time for him and his children to be completely present with each other, connecting through physical play. Jack lies on the ground and one-by-one lifts his children into the air on his legs, as if they were flying. Daddy gets a little strength training while the kids practice their balance and thrive in the undivided attention from their father.

Working play into your everyday routine is the most seamless way to reap its benefits. Cooking dinner? Ask your children to join you for dinner duty by measuring, stirring or simply being with you in the kitchen. Dedicating a kitchen cupboard to your children (filled with safe containers and utensils), or creating a water play area in the sink is a great way to support their play while you cook.

Toys everywhere? Playing "Beat the Buzzer" is a great way to make a game of cleaning up (Conner, 2007). You set a kitchen timer (the louder and more obnoxious the better) and then everyone runs around collecting their scattered toys and putting them away. It's fun, it's playful, and everyone wins.

Heading to bed? Have your children hop on your back as they ‘travel' to the magical land of 'Ta-bed'. This was a favorite of mine when I was young. Each night my sister and I would ride from the living room to our bedroom courtesy of our pet horse (otherwise known as our dad on his hands and knees). As he crawled across the carpet, he'd sing "We're off to the magical land of Ta-bed" (a play on words that took me many years to actually understand).

Once you make the conscious shift to become a more playful parent, the ideas will likely start pouring out of you. And remember, you know your family best, so as you create the time and space for play in your life, be sure to build it around that which is wonderfully unique to you and your children. Relax, enjoy, and GO PLAY!

If you are interested in learning more about how to create the time and space needed for play with your children, please join Anna Higgins for Grown-up's Guide to Play, a workshop at Working Wonders Children's Museum on March 11th from 6-7:30pm. Call 389-4500 for details.

Anna Higgins, Education & Outreach Manger at Working Wonders Children's Museum and Community Trainer is a new mother and long-time advocate of the importance of play. Anna is currently working on her Master's in Human Development, focusing on Early Childhood at Pacific Oaks College.